By Scott Shephard
It was only a 6 pack. Yes, they were 16 ounce cans. But, if you hadn’t noticed, beer is cheaper per ounce if you get the big cans. And it was only Bud Light, which isn’t really beer. I don’t normally drink a whole six pack but the Vikings had won an incredible come-from-behind victory and I felt like celebrating. Who wouldn’t?
I felt pretty happy as I got in my big Ford F150 and backed out of my garage. I felt confident, too. I only had to drive to Clark, which is a short 25 miles away. Plus, on a Sunday night, I figured Highway 212 would be mostly empty. On top of all of that, my truck has many safety features, including seat belts and even a feature that vibrates my steering wheel when I drift out of my lane. That’s good because I’ll have to admit I was feeling a little bit sleepy.
As I accelerated to cruising speed, I saw American flags and dark blue political banners along the road and I thought, “What a privilege it is to be a licensed driver in our great country.” I was a free man as I flew west at 68mph through the South Dakota countryside. Phrases like “Don’t tread on me” and “Live free or die” came to mind. I was almost laughing as I sang along to “Poncho and Lefty” playing at full volume on my great Bang and Olufsen sound system.
That was just before I hit the Plymouth mini van, which was stopped along the road. It turns out there was a family of 4 inside. In hindsight, I think it was careless of them not to pull further off the side of the road when their car broke down. Because now they’re a family of three.
You know this is fiction, don’t you? I hope you know that I would never do what I just described, partly because driving while under the influence is illegal in our state but largely because I would never want to put someone else at risk because of my selfish pursuit of what? . . . . Personal liberty? Happiness?
If I go out not wearing a COVID mask and I have a copy of The Declaration of Independence pinned to my shirt, I am doing nothing to protect you. But, now that I think of it, if I do go out driving while drunk, I’m going to make sure that I have the Declaration of Independence in the front seat with me. Maybe that will make you feel better when I leave you as a survivor in a family of 3.